Quote:
Originally Posted by *Laurie*
Here's what I'm thinking. I believe that your mother is self-destructive because she hates herself. I believe that she hates herself because she is profoundly emotionally sick and doesn't want to make the necessary changes to be healthier - in part because she doesn't feel that she deserves a better life.
Unfortunately, you have been caught in the web of her sickness. If I were you, I would work on taking the focus off her - and off the jerk who molested you - and truly focus on your own well-being. It's not easy, but I suggest that you stop giving those people any attention. If they "haunt" you, or if you dream about them, see it solely as a path to bringing you back to yourself. To put it simply: let go of that old story and create a new, healthier story.
Best of luck to you.
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Oh, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I know she hates herself and she projects that hatred onto me - that I've known for a long time. And I don't mean to sound defensive, but I took the focus off of her a long time ago, it's just that finding out they were together again ripped open some very old scars.
The letter was really to give a voice to my 'others'. They are not alters in the true sense, but they have their own emotions and they are, frankly, very irrational. I never let them 'out' because of this, but they needed to have their say and I'm glad I gave it to them.
As to any fallout, there won't be any. I didn't tell anyone I sent it (except for the hundreds of people who have read this
), but if anyone brings it up, like if she tells my brother, I will make it very clear that no one is to speak of her in my presence again. If they do, I will simply leave, hang up, delete...whatever. You get the idea.
For what it's worth, I've been married for 27 years, most of them good or great
, I wrote my own story with a happy ending.
WW