Hi,

Several people have already commented on this, so writing this may not be necessary. But I wanted to give my two cents.

I recently came to my mother and explained to her what I had been experiencing. You say that everyone walks away, does this include your parents? If so then I’m very sorry to hear this. I think the second step is to find someone that you know can accept what is going on in your head or what you are seeing. Because I think that the first was that you acknowledged what you face and deal with, and want help. I think that’s fantastic.
Now, I do very much agree with Skeezyks. Few of us are actual therapists or mental health professionals, but we can always offer you some advice and support.
If you are able to, talk to your parents about it. If you have and one or both of them disregarded you, like I said before, I am sorry to hear this. Not every parent can believe what their children are saying, I know that for sure.
If you cannot, that’s okay. Find a relative and start there.

If your relationship is falling apart or already has because you talked openly about your issues, I don’t think you should fret. If your partner cannot accept that you are dealing with this on a daily basis (I assume?) then I believe it is best to let them cool off for a while and then, try to resume the relationship once you have received help.

You also mention you are suicidal and have mood swings. I believe quite a few people have already mentioned it, but it could very well be that you have a form of the condition bi-polar.

I think that if you truly need and desire to seek help, continue to mention to your doctor (If possible of course) and if you are still having these thoughts and mood swings, journal it. Taking note of this is important and could help you later if you’d like to understand what is troubling you so severely.
If you see this and want to maybe follow my advice at journaling, I believe you should also write down what you see when you look at the second reality. What goes on, what happens, how long it lasts etc.

I also see that you get mad or scared when talking to therapists and doctors.
I get it.
I think you should try meditation. Keeping calm.
These people are a one way ticket to get out of this. You need to keep your ground.
I know it feels real. It’s vivid and you know you see it. It’s a problem for me too.

I also don’t think that self diagnosing is wrong. I think it’s realizing that you could have a mental health problem and you want to find the answer, but to scared to confront anyone about it.

I think you should get help. Find someone in your family or even outside of it and test your trust with them. If they can’t accept it move on to someone else. Write down when you get suicidal and what you want to do at that exact moment. How long does it go on for? Why do you think you feel this way?

Like I mentioned, I’m not a professional. I just want to help a guy out. You obviously want and need it, because what you describe sounds quite hellish. I want you to know that you aren’t alone.

I think many of us understand it’s hard and it can hurt and we don’t always know why we see or feel the way we do. But in this great little community we can always come together and converse over our issues as one. I’m glad you’ve turned to PC. You don’t have to be afraid, or scared, or worried, or anything. Just speak your mind and you might learn a bit about yourself and your problems along the way.
When your ready, you can seek help.
Take control.
Be strong.