I’ve come out of my toxic relationships and am moving forward. But this was really rough. I understand myself, my intentions, emotions, how much was me in the dysfunction and what is unhealthy inside me and why. But I am reeling from having proof now and seeing how much was THEM. I never wanted to think I was a victim, but I really was. It’s not that they set out to hurt me. It’s just that people are really whack and do really stupid, hurtful things. I so wish they didn’t, but I can’t control that. I was under the misconception that someone who tells me they love me has my best welfare at heart and is not stabbing me in the back— but they did. My friend is so jealous that for 40 years she pretended to love me while she underhandedly looked to take me down, even spreading lies about me behind my back— just a horrible person who fooled me. My husband just put himself first while he professed to love me. He said what I wanted to hear but then disregarded me and lied to me, too. I believe this happened to me because maybe people just really do this to each other. Is it everybody? Is anybody real? I don’t want to spend any more time and money on therapists. That was an awful, gaslighting experience, too. I’m stuck between obsessing on my wounds and trying to move forward with healthier life. Basically I’m stuck in a rocking chair right now.