He says that now he wants testosterone shots if he begins experiencing any changes. But it would be totally voluntary. He didn't do this because he wants to be unmanly. He wrote me a letter last night detailing all that was in his head at the time, but I haven't received it yet so I don't understand much more than this.
And yes... The abuse he was recalling which triggered this was sexual... in his childhood. Really horrid stuff.
He blocked a lot of it out over the many decades that have elapsed since then, but apparently developing feelings for the first time that he can recall left him completely vulnerable to these repressed memories.
Oh and I don't qualify for sliding scale therapy rates. In the eyes of the government, I am not needy. It's just that I rehab wildlife and run a little rescue out of my home, so I don't have the funds. If I feel too horrible I will seek help though. I know I'll be okay. Basically I just feel like such a failure. If my love can't stop the one I adore above all things from mutilating himself, what good am I?