Grief is hard, but sometimes, it's so weird. For me, it's the little things that bring on the tears and crying and not the big stuff like the telephone call telling you someone has gone (particularly if the person in question is gravely ill).

Many people out there do not like or get along with their mothers-in-law. But I got so lucky with mine, even though she lived so far away. Before her health started failing, we'd usually see my father-in-law and her 2-3 times a year (they drove from CA to TX). She passed away late last December. Hearing that she had passed did not really surprise me; based off FIL's latest telephone calls. I didn't cry about it.

I cleaned my office recently, and I found these bright green blinking bracelets to wear while walking or jogging in the dark. I walk/jog a lot when it is still dark outside because of living in such a hot area, and my mother-in-law knew that. The very last thing she ordered from my daughter's school fundraiser last school year (besides some candy for my daughter) was that set of bracelets for me. Finding them made me a little sad when I was cleaning, but it wasn't a huge ordeal.

Today, I decided to use the bracelets for the first time, and I got teary and crying and upset over her death. In my rank of family, she fell before all of my aunts (I only have aunts by blood relation, no uncles and also no 1st cousins), right after my 2 sisters. So for me it's left a gap.

I didn't go to the wake or funeral; neither my daughter nor I did. We could only afford one plane ticket out to California and back, and obviously, my husband had to go. Though I am probably am better off remembering her alive and interacting with my daughter and making my daughter laugh.

I went running this morning, and afterwards, I still felt sad. I was sad about it most of the morning, really, even though I had other things that needed doing that were stressful and frustrating.

It's funny though how sometimes the little things bring out grief. I never would have expected using those jogging bracelets would affect me so much.