I’m seriously thinking about checking myself into the hospital right now. I think I may be in a mixed episode. I know I’m not thinking correctly and my behavior has become really bazaar. In the past three weeks I got hired for three different jobs and couldn’t manage to show up for any of them. I am broke and really need a job right now. Plus, I know I screwed a lot of people over by doing this. It wasn’t intentional. I just kept on having huge breakdowns right before I was supposed to go into work. In addition to that I sent a bunch of embarrassing, crazy tweets to famous youtubers with my account using my real name. (The worst part is I actually got some responses back) I spent well over $1000 on a camera and video recording equipment believing that I am going to become a youtube star. Again, I am broke. Also, I keep on impulsively going to fast food restaurants and buying a TON of food that I don’t need (I will easily spend $50+) for god knows why. I just feel convinced that I need it at the time. Just about every night I am up till 4 am playing video games and then wake up again around 7 and game some more. I keep fluctuating between doing these random, crazy things and feeling extreme depression and shame for doing them. I felt so embarrassed over some of these things that I’ve had feelings of wanting to harm myself. I don’t know if making an emergency appointment with my pdoc will suffice or if I need IP at this point. I am gradually getting worse. I really hate IP and want to avoid it at all costs. Please help me…