Went out with some friends tonight and got a small drink. Don't want to drink too much because it might mess with my moods and I cannot budget it anyways. I learned that a number of our mutual friends are staying in the area after graduation and maybe will even work in the same area I will be in. I am just going to keep filling my time with seeing people as much as possible in the near future. I sort of isolated myself due to my mental state and because I assumed everyone was off doing new things, but it is kind of a relief to know I will know people. I am glad I decided against a big move right now, and to stay in the area with friends and near my current pdoc.

Still finding when I go out I have a great time, laughing and chatting, but feeling deeply sad and worthless deep down and having dark thoughts I have to push away. This feels like my new baseline and I hope it is not. Such a confusing experience.