I can relate to the experience you are describing as well.
Sometimes I get the sense that I will have things figured out better if I read X, or do Y, take up Z, etc. However, what I soon find is that X, Y, Z don't actually help me figure things out in the way that I had in mind. Then, X, Y, Z, lose their luster and along comes A, B, C!
I have a lot of books. I read that the best time to read a book is right when you buy it. But often for me another book comes along...
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My therapist also mentioned to me, when I said I'm not taking it anymore "But you were so excited about it. What changed?" Which made me feel badly and like a crazy person.
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When the therapist asked what changed, at bottom I don't think she wanted you to justify your actions. I think she wanted you to
explore your actions, to understand them better, with a nonjudgmental curiosity. Like a curious scientist.
However, when she said "But you were so excited about it" she added an element of implied criticism. This I think was a moment of unskillfulness on her part, and it made you feel bad. I'm sorry that she said that.
I do think, though, that a nonjudgmental curiosity about this pattern, maybe in further discussion with your therapist, could be helpful and valuable in understanding yourself better.
