My OH has Borderline personality disorder and it’s been the worst ordeal of my life now with 3 suicide attempts in just 4 months and so much jealousy, manipulation and control. I can’t seem to break free because he won’t let me, and because I feel intense pain being away from him. It’s extremely toxic with dependency on both sides. My friends are now tired of it because the cycle keeps repeating and they know I know what I need to, but I just can’t seem to leave. I work long hours so not sure I can avail of therapy but I know I need it. Everyone thinks I’m stupid for going back but my self esteem is at rock bottom and the dynamic between us is complex. I feel completely and utterly trapped but also that I don’t know if I want to leave, because even though I am completely depressed I miss him intensely when he’s not here and I’m not strong enough to get through it. I feel like a complete mess and totally isolated. I’d really appreciate any advice or support, thank you