I sometimes miss days at work because of depression. Sometimes it's because I just have absolutely no strength to leave home, or I break down crying and can't stop. Sometimes it's because the stress makes me feel like crap physically.
I know it doesn't look good to my employer. I already worry about that. On top of feeling low, I geel guilty every single time. And I HATE that I am this way. Believe me, I'd much rather NOT be suffering from depression and just go into work every day without having to fight the urge to go back to bed, curl into a ball and hide. And I DO fight every single day. Most days I win, but sometimes depression wins. The fact that my current depressive episode was caused by my work makes it extra hard. But I am trying my absolute best.

When I mention it to my parents, they tell me I should just push through, I shouldn't have called in sick. Mostly my dad. My mum tells me she worries. But the way both of them phrase it makes me feel like they're disappointed in me, that I've let them down. I'm pretty sure they don't mean it that way but..... How on earth can they possibly think those comments are helpful? And since I don't really have anyone else, when I don't get any support from my parents I feel completely alone and abandoned. I get that people who haven't experienced depression can never fully understand what it's like. But isn't it just plain common sense that when someone is already suffering emotionally, YOU DON'T ADD EVEN MORE PRESSURE!!! Don't make them feel like they let YOU down - it's not about you!!
It's like they don't believe that I am really trying, so hard. It's not like I just don't feel like going to work, so I stay at home. I don't want to stay home, I want to work!!

Maybe I should just keep it to myself when I've stayed home from work. But then who do I talk to? And I don't want to lie to them or hide it from them.