Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017
LT
As for the not remembering, I had to giggle, my T has the worlds worst memory, seriously. He rarely remembers anything from previous sessions, it's tough but I've gotten used to it. It's hard to remind yourself but they do have a lot of other clients and their own issues etc to worry about as well, I kinda of it like with my best friend, I don't remember everything she tells me, sometimes I need a reminder but then I'm like oh ya! It doesn't mean it isn't important to HER and that I don't care, it just means, I got sidetracked. It happens. Try not to let those things get to you. Be glad he doesn't do it as often as mine.
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This is really a set of great points; thank you for sharing it. It's a very clear example of how therapy and real life relationships can have similar dynamics. This is a good thing. I agree that a T's memory can't hold all the details of all the information that we share; that's not a reasonable assumption.
I also think that T's don't listen for facts, they listen for understanding. Maybe they are listening for themes, like the facts strip away and they the pain or the grief or the difficulty coping or whatever. Sort of like how when you read a book you are not just reading to understand what happened, but to understand what the story means.
T's might also "forget" because they want to hear how someone talks about the thing a second time, to see if the meaning has changed. Or they might sort of remember or they remember several events but aren't sure what you mean. So they don't feel they can say they remember but don't want to be offtrack so they say they don't remember.
I think your point about expectations, that is isn't reasonable for us to impose a "should remember" on anyone because that's not the way memory works. And your point about how we can't interpret "forgetting" as indicating the person doesn't care about us or listen to our stories "enough."