I lost my mom ten years ago. We didn't have a good relationship until I was 30. I had a better understanding of her life and, while not condoning things she let happen, I understood the dynamics of her marriage better and forgave her. She tried to ask for forgiveness on her death bed and I told her we didn't need to discuss it. I had forgiven her a long time ago. I didn't want her last days to be full of regret. I thought her birthday would be the hardest for me, but, not, it is the anniversary of her birthday and MOther's Day. I won't even get on FB that day. I can't take all the happy pictures with people with their moms.

There was a woman in my life at one time that was a mentor a second mother to me since I lived in a city other than my mother. She's responsible for setting me on my career path. We were total opposites. I was the eternal optimist and thought anything could be done (anyone hear mania in this?) She was the eternal pessimist. I would often run my ideas past her to see what I might be missing. We moved from that city to Houston. Shortly thereafter her husband died and since her daughters lived in Houston she moved into a retirement community and I got to continue seeing her. This woman was a MASTER of writing hand written notes. Yes, she came from a generation where that was proper etiquette but hers were special. Every time I received one in the mail I was so excited. I've kept every one of the notes she sent me. She has passed and every once in a while I open the drawer where they are kept and I read them. I cry and still mourn the loss of our friendship, wisdom, and advice.

A lot of you know I'm having trouble with my trouble over decisions made in manic states. Yesterday I came across some letters they wrote thanking me for being such a great mom and I bawled like a baby. I wish they could remember those feelings in addition to the resentment they feel now.