Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
I can relate to the experience you are describing as well.
Sometimes I get the sense that I will have things figured out better if I read X, or do Y, take up Z, etc. However, what I soon find is that X, Y, Z don't actually help me figure things out in the way that I had in mind. Then, X, Y, Z, lose their luster and along comes A, B, C!
I have a lot of books. I read that the best time to read a book is right when you buy it. But often for me another book comes along...
When the therapist asked what changed, at bottom I don't think she wanted you to justify your actions. I think she wanted you to explore your actions, to understand them better, with a nonjudgmental curiosity. Like a curious scientist.
However, when she said "But you were so excited about it" she added an element of implied criticism. This I think was a moment of unskillfulness on her part, and it made you feel bad. I'm sorry that she said that.
I do think, though, that a nonjudgmental curiosity about this pattern, maybe in further discussion with your therapist, could be helpful and valuable in understanding yourself better.  |
Hi Bill!
Edit: this post turned out way longer than I thought. Just to "warn" you, lol.
Thank you very much for your response. First, I will say a realization I had regarding this issue I have. I didn't post it here yet, but I will now: I DO have fixed interests. yes, sometimes they change, and I am a very interested and curious and open individual who likes to learn. But if I am being honest with myself...there ARE things that are important to me consistently, and I even have practices daily around these things. They just won't make me any money: knitting, art / crafts, meditation, friendships / family, wellness, exercise. Looking at that list though, I'm sure there ARE many jobs relating to these things. I think I just want to be financially stable and make at least 30,000 a year. My goal and desire used to be 50-60,000 a year. But perhaps I can work up to that. I feel like I'm digressing though.
Basically, I don't have much motivation. Especially to do things I'm only ambivalent about. I think it would be good for me to find a way to endure and persist with something. I have thought about creating my own art and craft business to sell the things I've made. I would have to make a lot more inventory in order to do this, and that consists of work. Perhaps it is a good idea to try. I'd really like to.
Ok. In regards to your response. I will start with my therapist first. I agree with you. I like my therapist. She is wonderful and I agree that 1.) part of her response was unskillful and that is actually totally ok with me because she is very communicative and self aware and takes responsibility for her mistakes, etc. She only wants what is best for me and admits she is not perfect. I guess I'm saying that while I haven't brought it up to her, she'd be very ok with me doing so and we'd fix it. And 2.) I agree that her question makes complete sense and it's a VALID question.
I wonder the same thing about why I changed my mind. I don't really have an answer.
I am not sure if I wrote this previously. But a lot of my issue has to do with me planning for my future. I personally believe that society is set up a certain way. And I do not fit in to the way it is set up. But I will do my best. I'm not sure whether to do something I don't want to do (go to vocational school for office technology, then get a job). Or to keep "exploring" my interests that I guess I feel...ambivalent about going deeper with those as well (science, math, language....school related subjects).
My therapist is new to me. I started seeing her in March. She has a different approach from my old therapist when it comes to "what's best for me." My old therapist was "hands off," and less biased and judgmental about my choice, and at that time...I was thinking about vocational school. My new therapist thinks I should do something that
interests me. I felt like that threw a monkey wrench into...everything. I still think...that even though I am uninterested in office tech...it might be a good option. I haven't worked in so long. Maybe finding a job cleaning. People say I'm way to bright to do that (Or office tech) but I could do what I enjoy on the side. An artist needs to eat.
Welp...this ended up being a really long post probably. I think I will end it here.
