I wish for you to be well, BlackCat13, and empathize with you tremendously.

I say the following with humility and based on extensive research, reflections, attempts at learning and more. I dated someone, who turned out to be emotionally, psychologically and financially manipulative, abusive and using. Moreover, the behavior of the person highly resembles the behavior of Narcissistic Personality Disorder with Sociopathic (I am guessing Sociopathic and not Psychopathic) tendencies. Depending upon according to whom, the aforesaid description is the definition for Malignant Narcissism behavior.

Even though the following portion of this statement seems like an exaggeration and does not necessarily convey the severity, this person destroyed me and my life. She engaged in gaslighting in addition to numerous other psychological, emotional abuse, manipulation and use.

It is difficult for me to judge, especially since this is still unfolding, but I think that research has helped. At the very least, it elucidates upon the history, behavior and more with this person, me, our relationship and so on.


As you are probably aware, highly abusive and manipulative people do not mainly reveal that they are abusive, manipulative and so forth to the other in the beginning of interrelations. Although, in the beginning, the person might still disclose that s/he is abusive, of a personality disorder and/or other aspects because s/he will make a mistake in disclosing such behavior, not be conscious of consciously revealing her behavior as "abusive," of a "personality disorder" (and more,) s/he judges that the other will not notice such aspects and/or other possible explanations, the person will (consciously) attempt to limit the disclosure of his/her behavior. When the other becomes in love, when the relationship reaches a point of deep attachment, dependency, when the other is conditioned to become dependent and/or other circumstances, the person then starts to reveal himself/herself and how she was prior to that point in history as a facade.


Abuse, manipulation and using someone in the aforesaid circumstances is insidious. The other hardly is conscious that the person is slowly, but efficiently and effectively conditioning him/her through (e.g. psychological, emotional and other forms of) abuse, manipulation and use.

Anyone can be abused, even the people, who claim that they "would not tolerate" abuse. There are multiple factors that concerns both people separately that leads to abuse to be executed. It's not so simplistic as some people claim it is.