Thank you so much Crushed_Soul!

This is exactly it!!

I am so sorry you have gone through this ordeal. I believe you when you say how your life was ruined by her actions. This is what they do, intentionally or not.

I am still reading about this online and finding more stories of people's experiences with friends, family, partners who are manipulative gaslighters. I have developed anxiety thinking if this has happened to me before without knowing or if it will happen again in the future.

Yes, in the beginning, he would reveal hints but usually in a joking way where he would laugh. There were times he would tell me that there was something wrong with himself but he would list insecurities, like not being good enough. So it was all very well masked. I wish I could've picked up on it sooner. I tried so hard to talk to him, to communicate. But it never ever worked. I developed a desire for him to understand me (even for simple benign convos). I believed he noticed this because he mentioned one day that he thinks he could get me to try ecstasy with him. Being in shock about what he thought he could do, I profusely rejected his notion. I do not do drugs nor have a desire to. But this goes to show the level of manipulation he wants to reach.

I have countless stories of where he tries to change my reality, make me question myself and thoughts. I am glad I was able to end things, I wish I could confront him and let him know that I know the truth. I am convinced that he knows he is a gaslighter because he would constantly self project those traits on me. He also once told me that I tried to gaslight him. At the time I had no idea what that was, I thought it was an expression like, "adding fuel to the fire." But it stuck with me. Deep down I knew I wasn't crazy, no matter how many times I would end up in a fetal position crying on the floor. There is a reason for this illogical and confusing behavior.