((((((Merope)))))) Rejections really hurt, especially many of them over time. My therapist calls them "little traumas." They are really not so little at all though. I just want you to know that I read your post, and I am navigating some of the same swamp you are. There is a book called Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and other everyday hurts by Guy Winch, PhD. It is very helpful for me to refer to at times and maybe it will bring you some solace to read the chapter on rejection. Hugs.