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Originally Posted by crushed_soul
Just to quickly add to your claim about "what they do," the question of whether or not a person is conscious of his/her conscious actions, behavior, decisions and more is one that is still debated, even for those who work as professionals in such fields. Additionally, it is a subjective topic (not that you are not aware of such info.)
I try to judge individually, whether the content is a person, action and so on. In the case of my ex girlfriend and to oversimplify, but, unfortunately, distort some of the following claims as a result, I think that she was indeed aware of how she was as in manipulative, abusive, using, hurting and more, how I was being hurt, manipulated and so forth, depending upon the circumstances.
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Thank you for your insightful reply! Yes for my ex, I believe there were times he knew what he was doing and other times he didn't. He mentioned that he lied his way out of counseling as a young teenager because "they were easy to manipulate". And that he can get people to do whatever he wanted. I took it as him bragging about himself since he was on the nerdy side and had insecurities who he was as a man and wanted to feel superior.
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Originally Posted by crushed_soul
Again, as you are probably aware, someone might gaslight and not be of a personality disorder or abusive in general on a consistent basis. S/he might gaslight and nothing else, but if someone is gaslighting, it is a form of emotional and psychological abuse. Additionally, in the circumstances of emotionally and psychologically abusive behavior, humor serves as a pretense to degrade and belittle the other. The interaction might seem like humor, but it is disguised as humor to hurt the other and corrode him/her, his/her security (if s/he has any) and more to control and condition him/her.
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Is this the way you are describing it?
I never considered this possibility. He once made a joke about the pot he had smoked was so god that he would develop a severe mental disorder. This was just hours before revealing to him that my father suffered from one. After I confronted him about it, he denied the whole thing and said that I was lying and wanted to pick a fight with him. His "jokes" were always dry and usually came from a place of either jealousy or insecurity that he had. Such as accusing me of exchanging numbers with random men or sleeping with them. I could never say anything because it was a "joke."
He had rules and boundaries that I had to follow for him, but nothing was off limits when it came to me.
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Originally Posted by crushed_soul
If I may say the following, based on your second to last paragraph, he seems to have possibly contorted his appearance with you according to how he was interpreting you, your behavior, your interests, how you find others appealing (e.g. qualities) and more. Moreover, he pretended to appear how he interpreted how you are attracted to others and continued doing so as you two continued to familiarize yourselves with one another.
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Yes, that is exactly what he did. Before I ever considered that might be trying to manipulate me, I asked him why was he always mean to me when he was kind before. While laughing he responded that he was nice so that I would give him my virginity and that all men are like this. I wasn't expecting this to be his response given that I confided in him that I was sexually abused as a child.