Merope, I also just wanted to ask if you are going through a depressive state right now? When you said you feel like a "massive loser," started cutting again, no desire to go out and socialize, sleeping more, and lost your appetite....those are symptoms of depression. It sounds to me like you are experiencing depressive thinking, as well. However, I see a light part in some of the things you've said too: "This isn't about wanting a relationship (although part of me does), it's about finding happiness within myself again so that rejections can feel less personal and raw." I think that's a wonderful goal. You need to get strong again. Gain back your light, wellness, and true self.