I understand this. I would love to write my T and tell him how angry I am often. The fear he would kick me out holds me back though, bc he emphasizes he works with people who WANT to be there. Ugg. My T seems so aloof the instant session ends and before in starts. In between, he wants trust, confiding, working, topic risks, progress, connection. I feel this emotional whiplash, and if the session ends with me in puddles of tears, and I get in the exposed-feeling that I might run into my own clients , friends etc of the streets of the small city, rage ensues or desolation and feeling cornered. I think it's the imbalance in me caring about his presence more than he cares about mine. Once in a while, it will seem more balanced. I was late to a session which is unheard of for me, and he was super anxious looking for me and glad to see me- which is unusual.