Recently it's started to occur to me that I'm not like other people. I've realized that a lot of the things I do other people just don't.

One thing is that I lie constantly to get out of trouble. My dad has called me out on it multiple times but I still do it. Whenever something happens that I could get in trouble for, I lie about it. I only feel bad if I get caught and my dad punishes me.

I also never take responsibility for my actions. I always make excuses and lie. Sometimes I can't even tell when something was my fault because I often fail to see when something is my fault and then I get into arguments with my parents because they try to convince me it was my fault. I do this because I want people to trust me and I don't want them to think I do bad things.

I also never understood how people could sacrifice their time to do things for other people when they have nothing to benefit from it. I thought it was a waste of time to be nice just to be nice and without an ulterior motive. When I'm nice to someone it's either because I have something to gain or because I want them to trust me.

I remember in eitghth grade I was dealing with emotional problems and depression for no reason. I planned to run away from home because I felt like I was under pressure at home because my dad had to keep constant watch of me because I had suicidal thoughts. I remember stealing $80 to run away. I didn't feel guilty about it at all, just paranoid that I was going to get caught. And I was. I still steal from my parents; they have a jar of coins in their room and I occasionally steal quarters from it to buy myself snacks at the convenience store ors school. I try not to make it obvious that I've stolen anything for fear of being caught, but I don't feel guilty. I've realized that other people feel more guilty about things but I don't about a lot of things.

I also have a hard time connecting with peopple socially or emotionally and friendships seem like such a commitment that I don't want to make. I have problem with isolation and I hate people. I don't if this has anything to do with it but it seems like it might.

My mom once accused me of trying to mistreat the dogs on purpose. She's accused me of this twice. She also accuses me of being greedy and taking more than my share of things. I've started to think she may think there's something wrong with me.

Maybe I'm just a bad person and I'm looking too far into it, but what do you think?