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Originally Posted by Kris58416
Ironically I always feel like I can give advice but can’t take it myself. Im experiencing something incredibly similar right now. I applaud your strength and bravery  . My therapist has explained that abusers truly can’t understand what they are doing. (My psychiatrist is also my husbands psychiatrist). My husband is narcissistic and manic. Gaslighting is his go-to. It makes him feel better and our doctor explained that most narcissists actually choose who they are in relationships based on how intelligent they find them. Let that sink in for a minute. It took me a while before I even believed my doctor when he said that. He explained that for narcissists in particular, they feed off of control, and by controlling a person they view as intelligent, it makes them feel even better about themselves. While that doesn’t change the actual abuse, it has allowed me to stop blaming myself for what has happened. I know my husband can’t control it and he doesn’t want to. You took that step to leave and I admire you! |
Thank you for sharing, I completely missed your post at first!
I am glad you and your husband are getting help, it seems like those with NPD tend to avoid speaking to a mental health professional. I wish you soon receive the comfort that you deserve.
I would ask my ex why does he like me since we would never say (he was not affectionate with words nor actions, so I had no idea what attributes he was attracted to). He reluctantly told me because I am smart (idk to what standard that he held, but I have a degree), we have the same cultural background, ambition, he finds my physical appearance attractive. He would tell me that he wants to have a child with me because of my height and athleticism. This seemed to be the main reason why he was talking to me, not for my personality. As I look back, I can tell he was trying to change who I was so that I can meet his standards (pretty much be submissive and do what he says).
He once told me that I remind him of a character on a tv show. Her personality was docile and submissive. Because of how much I dreaded that, I would be defiant and listened to what I truly wanted.