I don’t believe in destiny or crap like that but I do believe that with all of those synapses sparking in our gray and white matter there exists the machinations of mental disorder behaviors.
I am no longer religious but I like a paragraph written by Paul in his letter to the Romans:
Quote:
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I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
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Okay, so delete “sin living in me,” with “it is some brain function living in me that does it.”
During these many years I’ve struggled with the idea of the ego/I am to blame for different thoughts or behaviors that seem to take hold. I’m really a pretty nice guy (old uni friends — and even high school friends describe me as ‘kind’ to ‘the kindest person I’ve ever met’ — Ha! I had them fooled!) but when my symptoms kick in, when I’m a god? I am a wrathful god and I will rain vengeance down on those who have hurt me.
Eh, enough about me. I still recommend that you speak to someone in the mental health field. Again, can you ask your mom if you can see a shrink?
Good luck to you. No, I don’t think that you’re a psychopath — that’s my unscientific opinion! Psychopaths don’t feel guilt.