Quote:
Originally Posted by ruh roh
This is such a difficult situation, so much of it is beyond your capacity or ability to know (is it his stuff? will he work through it in a way that benefits your therapy?), but I definitely agree that you will both figure it out.
Do you know for sure what kind of response you wanted to the father's day email? Was it for him to be in therapist mode and use it to explore what was going on for you? Or for him to say something that reassured you of your place in his life/heart? He seems to have taken it that you were seeking more of the later. Maybe you wanted both? In that case, there is almost no right way for him to have responded (which leads to another question...is there a part of you that wants to push things to a breaking point?).
Can you be okay with the way he responds to these close calls, and put your focus on all the things that go right in your therapy? (Sort of We walk in the direction we look approach).
I kept thinking fog of war when I read your first post, then I saw you describe it as hazy, so maybe one way out is to pause, get your bearings, find a safe place to hang out (mentally) and let the fog lift. Sorry to be so unhelpful. It's a tough situation.
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Your response is very helpful ruh roh. I think my ideal response from him would have been "Thank you for the father's day email, it was a nice gesture" then if he had wanted to explore the therapeutic meaning I probably would have been more willing to be open because the feelings would have been accepted.
I don't consciously want to push things to a breaking point but who knows? This came at a time when he had left for 3 weeks. The longest he has been away in all the time we have worked together. Perhaps on some level I knew it would trigger his defences and that it would give me reason to distance myself.
The trouble with being okay with it is that this is a core part of what I need from therapy - I need him to accept my feelings towards him. Most of the time he gets that right but that makes it all the more jarring and painful when he doesn't.
Your take on letting the haze lift is very similar to my T's take on it when he said we are in a boat with no paddle and just need to sit and look at the view for a bit. Perhaps I do need to just allow this frustration and sense of urgency to be rather than allowing it to steer me. Thanks
