Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccer mom
My T. is not a typical T. with major boundaries. We have a close relationship so I might not be the best one to answer this. As we have gotten to know each other, we have had shifts in boundaries to show me she cares. My ex T. was very strict with boundaries which made everything worse. She believed loosening her boundaries would make things worse. My new T's looser boundaries made everything better and me more relaxed. I could never go back to a T. with strict boundaries due to my childhood trauma.
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This could depend on how each individual defines boundaries, but I think I understand what you mean.
I'm not sure about your case, but I think some Ts regard those with attachment issues or cptsd as borderline, and consequently treat clients as children, using boundaries one would instill with a child. I think that backfires because:
1. it fosters dependency
2. it encourages childlike regression
3. it contributes to feelings of helplessness
4. imposes the therapist's will on the client, creating an odd pseudo authority that doesn't belong in a professional relationship (and really, the client is the one hiring the therapist so the therapist should be accountable to the client, not the other way around).
5. in some ways recreates conditions of CEN for some of us who have that history
6. it directs the therapy focus too much to the therapist, where the session content is primarily about the client's feelings about the therapist rather than the feelings of the client more broadly. in other words, therapy becomes overwhelmingly about the therapist.
In a nutshell, it can be disempowering for those with certain histories. I had a therapist who extended these behaviors, and it didn't work out and actually was damaging.
Reasonable, healthy boundaries on the other hand, allow the client space, autonomy from which to grow. It's a sad state when therapists don't have the competentcy to recognize this.