Ugh, but now because I went and said that "back when I could convince people I was worth trying" part I'm stuck in this loop of self-hate. "Of course he won't want you", I say to myself. "You're ugly and a mess emotionally, who the hell wants someone like that? You've got nothing to offer, that's why you've been alone so long and why you'll die that way. Just give up already." Fun stuff like that.