Hello JayJay: I believe this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

From my perspective, I think the answer here may be to seek the services of a counselor or mental health therapist with whom you can delve into what you are experiencing & how to remedy it. We here on PC cannot diagnose you. One other thing you could do, just to get started, is to take some of the quizzes offered by PsychCentral. Here's a link to a listing of the quizzes that are available:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

And then here are links to some articles in the subject of how to find a good therapist:

How to Choose a Therapist and Other Questions about Psychotherapy

How Do You Find a Good Therapist? An Interview with Dr. John Grohol

How to Find the Best Therapist for You

How to Find a Therapist You Love

https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-way...ood-therapist/

https://psychcentral.com/find-therapist/

Continuing to read through & reply to the various posts here on PC may help too. My best wishes to you...