I don't feel like I need therapy any longer in a general sense. I've done enough therapy. Therapy was the seed; now that it has been planted firmly, the seedling having took root a few years ago, the leaves have grown into a lush tree. Nothing has wilted, though I have much room to grow as anybody.

The one thing hanging over me, however, is that rupture... I realize I am contradicting myself in stating it was due to his issues, but at the same time, needing to figure out why. That's definitely the nature of my unresolved 'inner conflict'.

Sorry that you are dealing with horrible feelings and the thought of therapy makes you ill. Have you thought about going back to your last one? Thanks for the suggestion about trying another therapist. The thought of starting over with another therapist makes me sort of ill, so I doubt if I would ever go there. Still weighing the decision about if/how to resolve the past rupture with this one.