That's a really hard one. I am sorry it is so hard for you. I don't know there are any answers.
We all do the best we can. I feel like a failure as a parent too. I know my kids have been adversely affected by our trauma. My parenting has been inconsistent at best, traumatizing at worst. They will have their own stuff to deal with.
You have done the best you can, are doing the best you can do with your lot. Your kid has to walk his own path and do the best he can do with his lot too. Cut yourself some slack, be kind and forgiving to you.