Ugh, Echos, you're stuck even deeper than I realized at first. This is very existential and fundamental stuff. So sorry about that.
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Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux
I guess what I want from him is not attainable. I want him not to get like this and to have faith that he will never step out of therapy mode and start protecting his family from the perceived threat of Echos. I don't see how I can have that faith when it's a recurring problem.
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Yes, the old dilemma. We want a human therapist (talking to a bot wouldn't be the same, after all) but we want them to be 'perfect' and never leave therapy mode. I guess on the "rational" side you perfectly know yourself that this is not possible. But then, there's the emotional side, the hurts from the past, the deep yearning inside for perfection. And this side sometimes can be so, so hurt.
For me, giving space to those hurts and to those emotions helps - eventually. Takes time, lots of time. Being able to bring what is bothering you into the open, finding a voice and words for those things and being heard. It's about
being, not doing something. Just sitting with those feelings. Over and over. Again and again, if it must be.
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Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux
He may acknowledge that, as you said, he shouldn't have made assumptions about my motivation, but it doesn't change the fact it will likely happen again and that I won't feel as safe to express my feelings as I ought to because I know it's a risk.
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The thing is: Those things do happen, especially with those we are close to, even in therapy, and you know that. The question is: What will you do about this? Withdrawal, isolation? Avoiding all risks altogether (is that even possible)?
There is a choice in this (I know it sounds cheesy). Maybe a possible starting point for you could be to stick with him
as it is right now. Nothing more and nothing less. And then see where this will take you. This doesn't mean pretending you're both in unicorn-land. It means acknowledging the pain and the hurt, and talking about it (over and over), and finding words and expressions and being heard and being allowed to rage. Expressing your hurt and the disappointment (because he is not as perfect as you want him to be...). And yes, it is difficult place to be in, for both sides. For him because he will have to bear the brunt of your emotions. For you because you most likely won't feel 'safe' expressing all those emotions.
But maybe, just maybe, that's a part of 'growing up' therapeutically: The desillusionment, the moment you realize that your T isn't perfect, just as our parents weren't perfect. Which is the main reason we want our Ts to be perfect, because they should make up for all the things where the past failed us...