hey, i can't and won't tell you what to do...but you're an incredible spirit and you brought me tremendous comfort when i needed it alot. i would hate to lose you when i've just found you. do whatever you need to do...just stay - you're wonderful and the way that you are able to give so eloquently to others, despite your own pain, tells me that deep down you want to live too. i promise no attempts to control you....but the love is freely offered and you've meant alot to me in my time of need. grace