Thanks CR, and you know, while my T isn't perfect, he's actually really good, and I know that. So yes, the part of me who knows how lucky I am to have an ethical and skilled therapist who cares, is in conflict with the part of me that desperately wants perfection and can't bear his human flaws. And internal conflict is extremely uncomfortable to sit with and tolerate.

Your suggestion for what to do next is similar to my T's and to ruh roh's- to just be where we are in the here-and-now and see what emerges. I know that probably is the best thing we can do. So I am to be in this moment, feel the hurt of it and not try to force us in any particular direction. This is going to require my T not to try to fix things either. He does occasionally get a 'how can I fix this?' head on when we have to sit with uncomfortable feelings. I do too, it's one of those places where we're a bit similar. I guess we just need to discuss it and agree between us that we don't need to fix this, we need to trust that movement will happen if we are open to it.