Hey!

First of all, I'm no expert but it is my understanding, from all I've read over the years and studies conducted, that not only is sexuality a spectrum(that's been clear for a while) but most people aren't 100% heterosexual or 100% gay(that doesn't mean someone who may be 80% hetero leaning isn't still hetero and vice-versa, it just means the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender is there to a larger or smaller, even if tiny, extent in most if not all of us). So, for me, one thing that helps is trying to stop thinking in absolutes.

To me it sounds like you could be bisexual but also that your mind might be exaggerating the extent of your attraction to women due to the anxiety and stress it produces. Maybe you're bisexual with a preference towards men.

Either way, it's ok, there's nothing wrong with liking more than one gender or basically with liking same gender people. It's also ok to feel attraction towards people of the same gender who might not be queer or available or people you just want to be friends with. Finding someone attractive isn't an ugly, bad, disrespectful thing as long as you don't treat or think of them as solely that, sexual objects(which you don't) or make unwanted advances or something of that kind. Oh and being bi or gay doesn't mean you'll be attracted to everyone you meet either.


I think you're just freaking out about it and it puts you in a volatile state where you're easily triggered. Maybe you could talk to a therapist or a friend who isn't straight(if you have one) and just try to more calmly think about it, without overthinking.

There's no right or wrong way to be gay, bi, pan or even straight and labels are just that, a label, so you don't even have to use those if you don't want to or aren't sure.

Oh and because heterosexuality is basically the only sexual orientation the social and educational environment and culture "helps" people get the hang of, plenty of people discover later in life that they aren't as straight as they thought or at all.

I too came into bisexuality later on, in the past 2-3 years, because I just happened to have feelings for people who were men. It was sort of random and sudden that I realised I have attraction for women too and since them, the more time passes and I "grow" into it, the more aware I am of it because my mind is open to that now. The difference is I have no issue with it, in fact I think being bisexual is a great thing, it's limitless in a sense(well for me it's all limited by what seems to be a complete lack of anything attractive about my own person). The only issue is with discrimination and social stigma but I've been gender non conforming my entire life so I'm used to that as well.

Maybe you could try to go on a date with a woman, kiss a woman, see how that makes you feel, it might clarify things. Hey, if you really are bisexual or more, it might open up a whole new world of love and pleasure since apparently women in same sex relationships have the best sex on average.