So, aside from the semantics, of what your T actually did or didn't mean: It's the eternal pain of not being seen or heard properly, isn't it? Maybe it's more about the sadness and the grief of not being seen in the past and not being able to express your emotions (all of them) back then. And whether you can allow to express this grief with T at your side, who turns out just good enough but not perfect? And now this place next to your T doesn't feel safe enough any more, so your conclusion could be I'm not safe anymore to express myself right here, next to T. (At least this would be my initial gut conclusion...)

I don't want diminish your pain and the turmoil you're in, Echos, just trying to open up different perspectives which might give you a lose end from which to start to untangle.

Also, for me: It took me years of therapy to actually find my emotional voice. Which for me not only meant expressing my emotions but also getting in touch with them first. Up until then I was flying underneath the radar all the time, without even noticing. So now, when I'm speaking from this emotional place, showing T (or whomever else) this side of mine that has been in the dark for so long, I feel extra vulnerable. And being mis-seen or mis-heard in that place stings extra badly.

Yet part of this 'extra' pain is the pain of the past, I think (preaching to myself here as well). This pain stems from times when it really was too painful and too dangerous to show those emotions freely and to share them with the person alongside (SCNR ) you. Which takes you or me or anybody else back to the question whether it's more about grieving what never happened and should have happened in the past? And through this grieving process hopefully coming to a place where risks aren't out of question any longer?