I'm too focused on and upset about people implying that I'm non-personable. It's eating at me... because now I'm realizing that perhaps many people feel this way about me. ("Flat affect and flat vocal tone" was one comment. But people have said similar things to me in the past. e.g., "You don't seem too excited.")

I was also accused of being un-sociable, but I mostly don't have anything to say to anybody, so why am I going to say anything? So I don't speak a lot. I give brief answers unless I know somebody well enough and they are interested in talking with me for a while--in which case, I'm often talkative. But even then, sometimes I just say a few words and that's it. (Depends on how I'm feeling that day.) Plus, sometimes I say things that people perceive as "bizarre," which puts them off, so I'm afraid of that happening.

I don't know why I'm this way (e.g., if it's BP related or not), but it hurts for people to be accusatory like this. I want to be left alone. Just because I usually don't show any emotion whatsoever (and I literally 100% mean having a straight face even when I'm very upset), it doesn't mean that I don't feel anything. Hell, if you tell me a joke that I actually like, I almost always have to force a smile and force a chuckle. Also, a lack of inflections in my voice doesn't mean I dislike you or that you bore me.

Anyway, I can write long and frequent posts in this forum because I can relate to nearly everybody here. And unlike real life, "forum life" allows me to give myself breaks whenever I need/want them. I don't have to engage in a conversation where I have to stay in one place and come up with responses on the spot. I can sit, think about it, then write.

Obviously people are noticing these things, which makes me feel so... not genuine. I don't know what I'm saying, but I had to let it out.