I am still having negative thoughts plus simultaneously weirdly happy, and do not feel 100% stable, but the rational voice in my head is getting more air time, and I feel a renewed energy to push back. I have a number of coping skills and things I can do to help myself, but just haven't been able to get a foothold so to speak to climb up. I am hoping this small change will be what I need to take that step. I made a list of things to do each week in terms of sleep, exercise, social engagements, etc. I am filling out a calendar to keep on track and have a good schedule. I decided to try this even though I feel like I don't deserve to feel better right now and hope the rest follows suit. Have not decided what to do with the meds thing yet, but see my pdoc Wednesday. I know I may need them, but also feel like I need a moment alone with myself and no meds after all this. I think I have been on meds for 6 months that have left me feeling unsafe and like I am not in control, and don't even know if I can mentally or emotionally handle another med trial at this moment.