Trigger alert- Suicide is mentioned, and I did get upset when people said we had a choice, so I kind of had a little rant. No anger is intended towards anyone, so if it sounds flame-like, I apologize. However, it is a bit emotional, I guess, which might trigger people.

Oops. This should be a general reply, but I accidentally posted to nothemama8. Sorry.

I think some people are destined to either be alone, be in unhappy relationships, or be with someone they don't really care about. I honestly believe I will die alone unless I settle for being with someone I don't care about.

To StarPonysMama (or anyone who wants to read)- Your family sounds kind of like mine. We just can't do relationships. I am 25 and have never been marrried and have no children. I expect neither out of my life. My parents are in their early 60's now. My mother was married to one man when she was in her early or mid 20's and had a child with him. They divorced a couple years later. My father was with a woman and had a child, as well. That ended. Then, eventually my parents- with one kid a piece so far (dad with a major failed relationship under his belt and mom with one divorce on her tally)- got married and had me. They divorced when I was 4. Mom was in her late 30's- almost 40- and dad was 40 or in his early 40's. Dad went back to the first woman, married her, and they had another child. Mom went on two have two more failed marriages. She then started dating another man and they were engaged to be wed, but she backed out with cold feet. They're still dating, but I don't know if they will ever marry.

I am sorry to hear about your father passing away. I know that must have been very difficult. My father is, thankfully, still alive. However, he pretty much dropped out of my life sometime during my 12th yr. of life.

One of my sisters is too young to be married, another isn't married to my knowledge and is about 28 or 29. However, the oldest one who is 35 right now, got her heart broken by two men, then got back together with the first of those two men (who was also her first love and first boyfriend she dated at age 12) when she was in college, after he'd married and divorced. They got married when she was about 19 and a little over a half, I think. This year will make their 16th yr. anniversary, I think- and they have 3 kids. Her father has been married and divorced at least 4 times and is alone at the moment. His father has been married and divorced about 6 or 7 times, and almost got divorced another time during that (filed for it, then annulled that)- twice to the same woman. He is alone now.

I also have several cousins who've been married and divorced many times. Plus, I know a man who lost his love to death when he was young, and never had another. Romantic, but it must have been lonely.

I don't feel I have much choice, unless the compromise is to be with someone I don't love. I used to think I couldn't love. Now, I think I can love. I'll admit, I don't know how to treat it sometimes, and I do push people away, but even when I don't mean to, it happens. I am not loveable- not for long, anyway.

It is easier to be alone before you've ever loved. It is still hard, but I think it was easier to be alone before I'd ever loved. I even liked it sometimes. Now, it is not so easy. I think I'm worse off in one way now that I've loved than I was before I knew I could. Still, I'm not saying I regret finding out I could and I'm not saying I regret getting to know the people I have cared for or loved.

Timeforsleep, you asked, "So people who try to develop relationships but are rejected or avoided are choosing to be alone? " Good question. I agree with the sentiment! People who are alway rejected, abandoned, etc. by the people they care about or are interested in, are not choosing that life.

Patty- it is good that you're happy this way. I used to love my alone time. I still like it ocassionally, but find myself wanting more social time simply because I need the distraction now that I feel so lonely and broken hearted. Sometimes, I'm not sure if it helps much, though. Anyway, I tried throwing myself full force into doing my own thing, but I still feel empty, hurt, depressed, and lonely about the whole issue. I was able to do those things during a relationship. For instance, I love to write, and I had plenty of time to do it. My ex of 4 and a half years (sort of longer- long story) liked to write, as well, and we gave each other time to do that. I think it was Janis Joplin that said, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose," and was she ever right. I'm "free" now, but I don't feel I've gained much. I'm not trying to rain on your parade, though. If you are happy, that's great! You mentioned "sour grapes"- I know what those are like. I am a bit bitter. I used to be a hopeless romantic, but now I'm a CYNICAL one.

YouOme- First of all, I'd like to say that I had an issue with something you said. If I seem argumentative, I apologize. I am not angry with you or anyone on here, yet. It is just an emotional issue for me. I hope nothing I say upsets you, either, but I wanted to explain how wrong I think this whole "choice" argument is, and since I do find it a bit offensive, I might sound a little emotional at times. Again, no anger is meant towards anyone and I hope no one is upset. We do all have our rights to our own opinions, but it just upsets me that people think I choose this life, when the way my relationships have gone is enough to make me not even want life at all.

You said, "My grandmother for example was married four times. Her fourth marriage ended when she was 42 years old and she lived the remainder of her life alone since. She claimed that being alone was much better because then she didn't have to share anything with anybody and she could spend as much time with her grand babies and daughter as she wanted." My mother has been married and divorced 4 times- almost married a 5th time and is still dating the man. She sometimes says she will never marry again and that she prefers to be alone, she has more freedom that way, she's too old to change her ways, she gets more time with the children, she needn't worry about a man's demands, or silly fights, and sometimes she just wants alone time and to be left in peace. But you know what? She might choose to be alone if this doesn't work out and I wouldn't be surprised if she did choose that. She might prefer it now, to what she feels are her alternatives these days. However, she didn't choose to make the first 4 marriages fail. She wanted them to work. She didn't want to be alone, but she always ended up that way. Hurt and alone. The same might have originally been true for your grandmother, though I don't know that.

Also, my mom told me that she isn't sure she can fully love someone the way she used to, so that is not exactly a choice, and may influence her wanting to be alone now. If she can't bring herself to fully love now, she will be alone no matter who she is with. Also, the fact that she's probably lost faith in everything might influence it. She prob. expects it to fail, and she might be right. Plus, she told me that even though she would rather not fool with it now, she wishes that when she was younger, she'd found someone to love and to love her and that they had grown closer together with age and years. Overall, it is not so much a choice, as I see it. Plus, considering that your grandmother TRIED 4 times- not just dating, but marriage- she might have actually wanted to be with someone, but it just couldn't work out happilly for her. I don't know if that holds true for your grandmother or not because I don't know her, but I guess my point is just that sometimes a "choice" is not as much of a "choice" as it might seem at first. Your grandmother might choose to be alone and prefer it by far- she might love it. I hope she does, and I can believe that she does. We don't all want the same things. However, even if she does love it and does choose it, it doesn't mean everyone who is alone chooses it or wants it.

"There's soooo may people on this earth...of course there's somebody out there for everybody. People who lived their life alone choose to do that."<- Okay, this is to you and everyone else who said it is a choice. There are many people on this Earth, but I have not met them all and cannot hope to do so. Plus, I don't like many people in general. Even if there is someone out there for me, are you telling me that I will definitely meet this person at the right time in our lives and that the circumstances will definitely be such that we will end up talking and getting to know one another, and figure out that we like each other enough to give it a go? I mean, I will definitely meet them and we will have the time and initiative to talk to one another and neither of us will accidentally mess up the first impression and once we're together, neither of us will accidentally mess up the relationship, etc? Also, you said "someone"- well, how many of them? What if they die before we meet or after we meet? Will there be others and will they too definitelt cross my paths, end up talking to me so we both know the other one enough to want to progress, etc? Will we not mess up our relationships accidentally? I am not trying to be argumentative in an angry way, so I apologize if I seem to be attacking you. It is not my intention, but as someone who feels terribly alone and destined to die this way, it upsets me when someone proposes to know that we can all have lasting love and companionship if we just choose it. I do not choose to be alone. Well, technically, I do choose not to be with people that I don't care about and am not interested in, but that's as bad as being alone- worse, possibly. I did meet a man that I believe in some way was for me, I admit, but guess what? He's not here now, and it isn't my choice. And it wasn't my choice- not consciously, anyway- that I messed up other chances. And it isn't my choice now that I've destroyed every chance and being with anyone I've ever cared about, that I never had the chance to begin with, etc.

Also, while I think some people do choose to be alone and some like that, I also think that some people choose to be alone because they've been hurt so much, they're afraid to try again, just to end up alone again and more hurt than ever.

My cousin almost died alone. She died at a young age, though- well fairly young. She was in her 30's and had only been married 6 months.

I guess my point is, I think people who are saying it is a choice- which I know you weren't the only one saying it, but the "4 times" thing caught my eye- need to be open to the possibility that they don't know what is in the minds and hearts of others, and they don't know our opportunities. They can't possibly know if there is someone out there for me or if we will definitely meet, get to know one another, and not accidentally mess it up or get taken away from one another by death or something else. Plus, sometimes we like people who have problems, which can destroy relationships, but we do not choose who to love. And what if they choose to leave the relationship? Did I choose it? People cannot know I choose to be alone or that everyone who is alone has chosen it. In the past, I have seriously thought about killing myself because I don't want to be this way, and I honestly believe whole heartedly I cannot escape dieing alone or with someone I don't care about or someone that cares nothing about me. If I could just choose to do otherwise and make it all better, trust me- I would.