I’m sorry for your bf’s illness. I can’t imagine the amount of stress you are under. Are there support systems you can reach out to for help? This is too much for one person to bear. Is hospice involved? Is counseling an option for you? I don’t have all the right answers for this but I think you need some help. You need to be cared for and supported too. Caregivers get worn out and burned out even under the best of circumstances. Best wishes to you. ❤️