I needed a new creative out let. I was going to get a key board and learn guitar from you tube tutorials. I could have folded a key board under my bed. And get an electric acoustic guitar and an amp. So I could practice with headphones on in the flat.
But reality stepped in. I needed money to get started. I would need a job. And my foray with college proved that I wasn't ready for studying. If I had taken a year off things would have been different.
I had to get a job and any job at some point. I should have done the art therapy my doctor proposed. But I didn't enjoy drawing any more. The solitude was killing me. I needed noise and words and distraction.
I wasn't ready to work either though. I was in a fine mess.
When the depression hit, I didn't even flick through the music channels. When I reeled in my hyper energy, there was only depression and regret. I had been extremely ill. Part of the illness is failure to have insight that you are ill. Not denial, lack of insight is different.
Rock music was the only music that made my brain take notice and Fred persuaded me that it was counter productive to my recovery. There wasn't any good films on during the day.
So I sold the guitar. Deciding it was just a restless phase. That it was time I got to the nitty gritty. And get my head out of the clouds.
So I started to read. I could listen to music & read at the same time. And this helped me relax. With the guitar my attention wandered because there's so much repetition in order to learn. It was the same with sketching. I had to start from the bottom with that too as I had lost the ability to sketch.
When I jogged I toggled through song after song. And I thought of ideas to write about. I needed some hope. After my fall from grace, I needed a dream. I needed to escape the truth for my piece of mind.
I mean pop music died in the 80's? I didnt like guns n roses, iron maiden, ac/dc, led zeppilin or slayer. Classic rock did nothing for me. And I gave up on my first love of soulful/rnb/hip hop. I couldnt find an album that I could listen to every song on. I still listened to rock alongside more main stream music.