Well... you wrote that you're very old. I don't know how old very old is to you. I'm 70 & that feels pretty darn old to me... some days more than others. I tell myself multiple times a day I wish I would just die. It's become sort-of a habit. (I've actually made two attempts to that end previously.) I'm also tired of the bad memories. Unfortunately, in my case, I created a lot of them myself. There's no one else I can blame.

I also have no one to talk to. I am married. But for a variety of reasons there is no discussion of anything there. Plus I have no extended family & no friends or even acquaintances by choice. I'm pretty-much a hermit.

I don't think there is any point in going on either really. I just get up every day & do what needs to be done because... well... because it needs to be done. As my father used to say many years ago: "You're not required to like it. You're just required to do it." I take that as my mantra.