I understand this from my own lived experience perspective very well, just within a varied context You are not alone - it takes a lot of guts to admit these feelings - most people don't because they are too concerned as to how they will be perceived once admitting them.

While, in a perfect world, it would be awesome to just be open and honest, it's best to keep this to those you trust, professional and non-professional. You risk further hurt otherwise....I myself have had to find my own equilibrium....between speaking my mind and being a door mat everyone scrapes their shoes upon....it's not easy being smart. A wise individual working in mental health once told me '(insert my name here), sometimes it's better to be mediocre'.....at the time I cringed at the thought but the older and more frustrated/angry/depressed I become, the more I realise this philosophy is true...