Mental retardation is a condition where the person suffering is unable to do basic things like eating with one hand (I use two hands, ever since I learnt to eat myself) and a possible example is write in a legible handwriting. My handwriting is piss poor. Some symptoms that are relevant to me are -
- Poor planning or problem solving abilities
- Behavioral and social problems
- Failure to grow intellectually or continued infant-like behavior
- Problems keeping up in school
- Failure to adapt or adjust to new situations
- Difficulty understanding and following social rules
It's not that simple, but after observing my failure to do some things (like drawing, speaking without stuttering) I am convinced I am intellectually disabled. It's because I never learnt how to be socially accepted, thanks to my parents, who currently were describing about cutting all ties with my other relatives (both maternal and paternal) because I have "become spoiled."
About your advice, I cannot reduce my stress any more, it just seeps into me because of my environment, I still live in very dire conditions but I have been on meds for years, diagnosed with psychosis. My psychiatrist does his best, going to the point of psychosocial intervention therapy (that's what I make out) but I am still at very high stress levels.
I forget when I try to mediate (thoughts come in my mind and the next thing I know is I am forget I was meditating a while ago) I'll try to accept myself though, hope it'll make a difference.
My brain is very burnout because it's on 24/7. I dream daydreams, I daydream all the time I am awake, I try to continue my life while daydreaming. It's due to brain damage some area of my brain has become damaged and I am left thinking all the time (the best way I can describe my situation.) Psychiatrist gives me therapy and I praise him for that. It's one of the reasons why I want to be a scientist. There's simply not too much that's known in the world of medicine.
Thank you for praising me. It's not just disability that's against me, it's everything, the parents, the classmates, the environment, my own addictions and anxiety, my own brain.... that's totally what I get for trying to change the world in a positive way. There's no reason for good people to live anymore.
You may be wondering how I am this ill. You see, the reason why sometimes I mention my mother is that, she was always psychotic, even seventeen years ago. She doubted my father having affair with her sister (my aunt and his niece, I am inbred) and so she many times took the infant me to distant cities like Bombay (I don't remember the other ones) in state transport buses.
Those buses were horrible and many times I fell on the floor of the buses, the pain shooting through my whole body. So even as an infant I had to go through such HORRIBLE physical and emotional trauma. I, even as an infant, was subjected to such ignorant torture by my mother.
She wanted me to be a god. She has a little bit too much psychosis in her (she herself born to a barely teenager mother, my grandmother) and so she tried to make me a top-level administrative officer by isolating me from society and then telling me to only "study" and then totally ruining my life by inserting wrong thoughts in me. Now I am left with anything but ability to do experiments.
Which is the most important thing in my life and is the foundation of STEM. But how can I be if I am not allowed to go outside? Ridiculous, people and their illogical thinking. It's like she gave birth to me to see me as an IAS officer... ridiculous, it's not like this, I want to be a scientist, and I don't enjoy law or administration, I have zero exposure to them. I always liked science as a child, why cannot I do a career in it? Because you wanted me to do so before I was born? And you "helped" me by "shielding me from evil society?" Seriously, what the ****? How am I supposed to live without going outside? What am I, an animal?
Edit : I was listening to Headlights by Eminem and now I am listening to
and it fits perfectly with the flow of the message.