I am drawn to psychopaths and narcissists. I'm self aware in regards to why. It's my way of dealing with childhood trauma. My brain thinks these relationships will repair the damage. No judgement needed. I'm a work in progress.

I also have abandonment issues. Once I get sucked into an abusive friendship i struggle to pull myself out. Paths and narcs have a cycle. Idealize, devalue, discard. The discard normally hits me like a punch to the gut. Then I become the psycho trying to get their friendship back at all costs. Fear of abandonment makes me desperate and self sacrificing. It's bad.

I've been off and on with my latest narc/path friend lately. He convinced me to give our friendship a clean slate yesterday. So I agreed. Then I got an abrupt discard this morning.

My therapist and tribe have been building me up for months. So I started to plead and then I stopped and walked away. When someone hands you the keys to your jail cell do you beg to be locked up or do you take your freedom and run?

I had to share this because I am on top of the world! The abusive trash took itself out and I'm not going to pull it back in. I've been in abusive situations off and on since I was born. Finally I have enough self worth to know I'm not the problem and no one will break me again.

If you are struggling with an abusive relationship you are strong enough to run and never look back. You are worth it. It's never too late to change. The high of freedom is amazing. I feel stronger than ever.

Please note I am not judging narcs/paths as a whole. Just the ones I've been connected to.