Well tonight went... ok, but very emotional at one point. I made sure he was in a good mood, I stayed level-headed, and we worked out the main issue. We had a good talk after where I pointed out how he's too kind, forgiving, and has never had anyone care about his needs (which is very true, it's what got him traumatized from the last girl he was with because he basically allowed her to continually abuse him). He admitted that's the case, but it doesn't really bother him... Still, I said I wanted to try to help him figure out his needs - even things as simple as needing a night off from stressful things - and I meant it. I want to help him like he helps me.

It went very far south when he said something that sent me to the dark place and even when I asked to end the topic I couldn't actually end the topic myself and kept going. I felt hopeless that no one was ever going to love me because my heart isn't good enough, I also need looks... It hurts so much to know how people are so concerned about looks that they'd choose that - which fades - over a heart full of love to give to them, yet then you'll see those same people whine and cry about how they can't find someone who is trustworthy and faithful...

Eventually it de-escalated when I turned the focus back to him and how much I care for him. I'm proud that I was able to do this despite how awful I was feeling. I asked him to promise me that he would make sure the next girl he was with actually cared about him and would care about his needs instead of being selfish like the last girl was. He agreed, but he's happy being alone for now, so I told him that's fine too. Even if he doesn't want to be with me in the future, I do want him to be happy.

Overall I'm feeling a bit better, at least enough that I can try eating. It's been nearly 3 full days of no food whatsoever and very little to drink (only my nightly Powerade that I take to work). My appetite still isn't thrilled about this though, so I'm worried it won't stay down. We'll see.