I know it’s Hawaii and I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for myself. However, there is a strange feeling of a walking sort of death that’s come over me. I’ve always been able to rally to a situation and try to make an adventure out of it. This time I failed to really get out there and it’s an eerie sort of paralysis. Too dramatic, probably and I am sick but I just didn’t have any spark this time and I don’t know how to breathe anymore.... peace