After Meaghan Daum experienced a miscarried pregnancy, she made up her mind to not try again and thus to never have children. She calls the ambivalence about that decision her marriage's Central Sadness. Their CS hovers over, or weighs down, all else in their communications.

Yesterday my Significant Other and I had a miscommunication. The details repeat a steady pattern I've experienced throughout our time together. The short of it is that when I talk to her, at random times she literally misses the meaning of the words. I then proceed with her answer and later, the mis communication becomes evident, typically with unhappy results.

OK, we're not perfect, but she gets angry at ME, and not at least partially herself for failing to take a moment and listen. And I get angry in turn because I don't want her to shuck 100% of a mutual miscommunication onto me. Not fair or right.

This is a pattern I've noticed since Day Two. This flair-up happened late last night before I went to bed, and to soothe my jangled emotions I used Daum's Central Sadness idea.

And it fit so perfectly, I thought, how useful. With accepting a part of a relationship as being in the grips of a CS I both feel deep grief, and also energetic clarity. From this experience I've developed a maxim: SO to me: please don't offer to do me any favors. Or another way: Let me mind my own business.

Very sad, no?, for a committed relationship which I would hope delights in mutual support and reciprocity, but there it is. I get it now.

I'm freed by my maxim for better use of my life in other relationships. I'm freed to search out those spontaneous moments where we really do connect and not bother with concerns about the rest, which is about 90% of my time with her.

Possible every relationship has its CS. One client through actions and non-actions communicates his CS as a buyer's remorse that he hired me. We're philosophically and procedurally misfits. His CS becomes also my CS.

I will keep exploring this as an element in my larger project of transitioning from Frustration to Patience.

Revu2