In email, second T told me that I am very dear to her. I know once I pick a new T to work with I won't be able to talk to this T anymore and that makes me very sad. But I was comforted that my feeling that she cares about me was validated. I just wish I didn't have to lose her. I wish she hadn't gotten sick. I wish I had integrated more of what she said to me into me so I could always have it with me. I would try but some things wouldn't stick. I want to be able to continue to email her once in a while even after I pick a new T. Not all the time, just once in a while. She hasn't said no, but she hasn't said yes. She said we will figure it out together whatever that means. I know she doesn't love me the same way I love her (which is not a romantic way) she might not even love me but I know that she cares about me. I was able to tell her that I love her and she took that in. I wish I had something tangible of hers that I could hang onto forever. I wish I didn't have to lose her.