First session of the week today. We covered a lot of stuff and I am exhausted. I’m not even sure how to survive another session during the week. There was definitely some resistance from me today.

Me: I’m trying my best.

T: I know you are and I can see that you are working hard.

Me: So why am I still here?

T: Is that a direct question for me?

Me: *sighs* Sure, why not?

T: There’s no doubt you do the work, but, it’s proceeding slower than you would like it to because: First, There are a lot of things to unpack. Trauma is an extremely complex matter. Second, you find it difficult to talk about yourself. For every piece of your life that you reveal, you also throw in five others about something else, because you want to keep the focus off you.

Me: *silent*

T: Does that second part seem accurate to you?

Me: *very quietly* I don’t know.

T: *gently* Em, do you think you could look at me? It’s okay if you can’t, but I’d like you to try.

Me: *looks up slowly*

T: I want to tell you something very important. I know that even though we’ve started talking about it, these are parts of your life you’d rather not discuss. You would much prefer to ignore them. But I am not going to ignore them. I am here specifically to focus on them. So I will always try to steer us in that direction. I will keep asking the difficult questions. You, of course, always have a choice whether you want to answer or not. But I want you to know that when you are ready, I will listen. I will be here. Whatever needs to be said, say them here.

Me: I feel like I’ve been running in a dark, endless hallway for years

T: Maybe it’s time to rest, recharge and let me help you handle things for a while. How does that sound?

Me: Sounds like a very simple solution.

T: It isn’t, but we’ll get there.