Hi! I read it all and I may need to break this into different pieces to try and give you an opinion.

First, I believe you struggle with speaking out your mind because you were oppressed during your childhood. I used to have a lot of fights with my mother because she wanted me to be that way and I refused to be her little cute robot. My mother is a widow who lost my dad when I was just like 3 years old and she had to toughen up to deal with all kinds of things alone. She never married or even dated again after my dad was gone, so... you can imagine how oppressive she could be. But back to you, you had no choice but to be the perfect son, as they say, by doing everything you were told, by never defying them and always being the best kid around. Yes, your parents contributed to your communication problems, but there may be also part of your personality. Some of us don't really care about defying them, so you should try and think why it was easier or better for you to just do what you were told.

About your father... you mention that he was bullied in school and that now he takes pride in everything he's earned. Has he ever told you how he feels about his parents response to him being bullied or how he dealt with being bullied? I've learned that before judging them and hating them, it's best to come close to them and try and get as much information as possible. Maybe his parents were absent, maybe he was even more bullied at home. You could find a lot of reasons as to why he is the way he is by getting closer to him and asking. Understanding leads to forgiveness. Nobody teaches them to be parents and they only know two ways: be the same as their parents or be completely the opposite. Maybe, just maybe, he would have liked that his parents were more involved in his issues, that they gave him more direction and now he believes that bossing everyone around is the best thing to do because he believes he knows better. Or maybe he is so proud of how he could survive and be someone in life, that he copies his parents behaviour to make his children be as tough and "successful" as he is. I suggest you try to learn more about your grandparents and that you try to look at the bright side, cause there is something really good in here, but I will talk about it later.

You don't mention anything about your father being abusive to your mother, at least not openly. You just say that he likes to brag about everything he has achieved. And to me, that is okay. What it says about him is that it cost him too much to get to where he is now and that he is really proud of himself. He may still be resented because I guess no one ever believed he could have such a good life and now he has proven them wrong. The approach is unhealthy, but the core is okay. He has even proven to himself that he is not just a loser as he was treated in the past. It happens to more people than you can imagine, when they were bullied in their early years. But if he hasn't been abusive to your mother, there must be a reason why your mother calls him her King. He must provide her with something she was lacking before. Your half siblings didn't turn out so good and that may be thanks to their father. And now your mother may be thankful to your faher for giving her everything she didn't have in the past, and not just material stuff, no, something deeper, like care or even a fatherly figure, as sick as it may sound. The care a fatherly figure provides is something many women who lacked one look for in their husbands. Or stability, or true concern about their kids. That's something only your mother can tell you or you can guess by knowing more about her parents and the father of your half siblings.

About your siblings. Please do yourself a favor and don't even mind about them. They had their own issues and they still have them. Before you can do anything for them, you gotta be fine yourself. But as far as I can tell from what you wrote here, they are definitely not role models and you know it. You know that from all of you, you are the one who has a chance for a better future, so work on it and then you may be able to help them, if they want to be helped.

I told you there was something very positive in all of this: your parents are proud of you and they have said so. They give you their approval and with it may come support if you know how to ask for it. They are already saying that you have become a man and that now it's time for you to give your opinion. You have earned their respect. t what cost? You may ask, well, again, traditional families make it super hard for us to speak up when we are still children and immature to their eyes. But now you've earned it. Know how to use it. As hard as it may be for you, try to give your opinion when it comes to little things, you gotta start small until you find your own voice.

When you say that your father is always complaining how expensive raising a child is, what I hear is that he is telling you not to waste the chance he is trying to give all of you and that he is willing to pay whatever it costs for you to become successful guys. He doesn't know how to communicate, he learned that only by bragging and shouting he can be heard. He had to toughen up and now he doesn't know how and when he needs to soften a bit.

I could tell you to try and talk to them about how you feel. Or write a letter trying to explain them that you need help. Approach the most understanding one or the one you think cares about you the most. Maybe your dad will tell you to man up and do what you gotta do, that men can't be depressed and you know what kind of stuff. I'm trying hard not to use swear words here, lol. Maybe your mom will be more open to understand that you are not okay.


But the key here is to tell them how you feel without blaming them, without pointing the finger. What do you want? To change them or to be fine yourself regardless of how they are? It's time for you to build your own life and you can only do so by focusing on yourself.

In my experience, people who can be so obedient and submissive, have some kind of personality that allows them to be so, if not, you would have had an outburst before. If you understand what part of you helped you be the golden boy in the house, as much as it's hurting you now, you can take advantage of it and make it one of your stronger features. The real challenge is to find your voice. Your father could help you, as hard as it may be to believe. If you come in a peaceful way to him and ask for guidance and advice, telling him that it's hard for you to make friends, that sometimes you feel to shy to participate in class or stuff like that, even telling him that you have noticed that he always says what he thinks, he may soften a little because he will feel important and you will also build a bond between the two of you, helping to wash away all the resentment and hate you feel for him. It's all about communication.


You could try to write to us in here or you can even open a Twitter account to train yourself to share your own feelings and thoughts. It's something you have to learn and you know tht it requires practice. In any case, you may as well need a professional opinion. You are depressed, who wouldn't be? But sometimes changing our perspective helps a lot to feel a little better. And a professional counselor can help you further. This is just my opinion and what I guess from what you wrote.


But there is one think I can tell you for sure: you earned your right to be an adult, you earned your right to give your opinion when asked, you totally earned their respect and they show it as approval. Believe it, like truly believe it, cause you really earned.


I wish you the best.