I'm really worried about the upcoming months. Back to work for me, month-long vacation for you.


Can we talk about how NOT to be me? It sounds like texting isn't an option while you are gone because of international charges. I know I need to deal with things on my own. Going back to work means just more social anxiety and stress. You leaving means I have a lesser chance of making it through it all.


I am angry that I have to be me. I hate that there's no other choice. I hate that you are so kind to me, consistently, and that in spite of that I am saying I hate me at the moment. But I do. Being me means that I stress out about the stupidest things. I also stress out about normal things. Being me means I dread you going away. This is my life.


Should I ask for someone else (therapist) to tolerate having me for a patient for the time you are away? I dread the future. I just don't want to care anymore. I don't want to be. I don't want to be me. I'm too f'd up.