I am thinking of you too. This was exactly my case in college and graduate school. In college, I technically lived with my sister, but she spent 99% of her time at boyfriends' places and only came back to get new clothes or a forgotten textbook or something.

In grad school, I lived alone. If it was a holiday and I didn't go home, I'd see no one. In both college & grad school, if it wasn't for school, I would see no one except sometimes the only good friend I made in college (she unfortunately lives far away, in Connecticut now). I am married though I had to bite the bullet and do online dating to meet my husband; he came into the marriage knowing I had psych issues, and we have a 10 year old daughter (though challenging to parent as she has tons of sensory issues and puberty hormones as well).

Now, the only friends I really have are my 2 sisters. One lives in the Dallas area, which is anywhere from a 4-6 hour drive from the Houston area where I live, so I don't see her often. The other sister lives around a 45 minute drive away, so I see her more often, but she has 3 girls 7 and under, so her house is often chaotic. I am lucky to get along well with my sisters, but I do feel they are kind of built in friends as I never had to go out of my way to meet them.

I have lately forced myself into social situations (though this mainly happens when I am hypomanic), but I know it is good for me too. I have joined 2 book clubs since I love to read, one mixed men & women through the library and one women's group through the neighborhood. I really want to know the organizer of the neighborhood group better as before the book club was even organized, she & her husband went on the same bat hike in a local nature preserve as my daughter and I did, so we have more in common than just reading, but I don't know about taking the next step. I also recently found out that a woman from my graduating high school class (which was small, 109 students) works and lives near me. I sometimes ate lunch with a group including her, and I really think I'd like to go to coffee or a meal with her but am reluctant to take the next step. It is so, so hard for me to make friends. I have also resolved to be more involved in my daughter's PTO. Very few parents (mostly women) attend as I have gone to meetings in the beginning and then quit. The attendance is maybe around 15-20, including the principal, a teacher, and sometimes the counselor if an upcoming event has been organized by the school counselor.

I grew up in a small, conservative town too (everyone knew everyone or at least someone from everyone's family). Now the town is growing with the spreading sprawl from Houston, so it's bigger than when I lived there and converting from a lot of family farms to housing subdivisions and shopping centers.

I am sorry you are having so many problems